It’s been 15 years since we lost Bobby, Jason, Justin, and Pat. I suppose it is to be expected that we would think about them a little extra on the anniversary days. This year, though, Bob and I are speaking with some other young men about our experiences in a Bible study. This is what I am sharing with them……
Right after we came home from the hanger where we got the news of the loss of our guys, I found my daughter in Bobby’s room. We were all exhausted and that news just seemed like it was more than we were going to be able to bear. I remember sitting on Bobby’s bed and talking with Danielle about Romans 8:28.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
We talked about how there had better be something really good because this was just about as awful as things can get.
How people handle any kind of loss is an interesting phenomenon. Our situation may have allowed us to see those differences more easily since there were 4 families involved. Even within our own household, sometimes Bob, Danielle, and I varied greatly on how we worked our way through our grief. The point is, there was no wrong way, just different.
Initially, I felt totally unequipped on how to live through this loss. My heart was broken. You’ve heard of the term “heavy heart”? I found out that it is a physical symptom. I felt like there was a brick on my chest.
Let's take a look at some key words of Romans 8:28.
Know
If we look back at Romans 8:28 though, the first part says, “And we know”.
The thing is, I intuitively knew that I could not trust my heart, my emotions, to get me through this. I was just too sad. Romans 8:28 verifies that the focus should be on what we know.
I decided that I was going to use the Bible as my instruction manual for how I was going to make my way through this journey and then I wrote out what I knew to be true from my head, not just my heart. Here’s what I wrote out:
God is good.
God loves me and my loved ones.
God wants what is best for me and my loved ones.
We learn, but it is through working through a difficult process. If it was easy, we wouldn’t be learning anything from it.
God answers our prayers far better than what we ask. He gives us what is best for us, not just what we want.
Our job is to trust God. Though we can’t see how some things can possibly be good, we need to understand that the difficult process is what draws us to a closer relationship with God.
When we need help in a difficult time, we go first to those who have weathered the difficult times. That person has learned through those times. God uses them to minister to us.
As we trust God, we allow ourselves to learn so we can be used some time in the future. But not just that, we know that God draws us close to him.
God is in control. We need only to rest in him and go along for the ride. We trust him for the best because we know he loves us.
God is good.
Somewhere in one of my journals I listed the Bible verses that supported those statements. Basically, it reminded me that God loved me and was in control. I had my plan. I would use God’s word to guide me through this journey of grief.
Love
The Greek word that is translated as love here is ἀγαπῶσιν. It’s a form of the word ἀγαπε. That kind of love is not the kind where you say, “I love chocolate chip cookies,” or “I love playing golf.” It isn’t a kind of common affection love. This kind of love is reserved for the way God feels about us and how we feel about God and those who also ἀγαπε love him. Nothing can separate us from that love of God.
Another thing about the Greek word for love in this verse is that it is in the present tense. It was true for the original Romans that Paul wrote this letter to, but it is also true for everyone after that. It is still true for us when we exercise that ἀγαπε love.
Purpose
We are called according to God’s purpose. OK…….. Then what is God’s purpose for us? Ultimately, we were created to have a relationship with God and to spend eternity with him. He has provided that opportunity through our salvation because of the sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ.
All Things and Good
I made some chocolate chip cookies this week. Here are some of the ingredients. Do you think eating a cup of flour would taste good by itself? Probably not. Even the granulated sugar or brown sugar wouldn’t taste that great by themselves. In fact, I don’t think any of these ingredients is real great alone. But, when we mix all of them together and bake them according to the recipe, they make some pretty tasty cookies.
My point is, if we look at the occurrences of our lives, some of them may not be good circumstances on their own, alone. But when we mix them all together, and bake them in God’s oven, it’s possible that something good can be made of them.
I don’t know that I will ever be able to say that losing Bobby, Jason, Justin, and Pat was a good thing. What I can say is that there are good things that have come from it.
That week when we lost the guys was by far the worst, most horrible experience of our lives, but it was also awesome. That may be the ultimate oxymoron, but in the depth of sadness, worry, and horror, we were visibly blessed with the love of the body of Christ. Over and over, people were the hands of Jesus to us. Our friends and family stayed close and sometimes just hung out and talked with us. Complete strangers offered kind acts and words. Just yesterday, the Golden West baseball team honored Bobby, Jason, and Justin at their game.
Those first few months forever changed our relationships with our family, friends, and even us- and it was for the good. We were broken and just couldn’t put on a happy face and go on. Those near us got to see all of us in all of our brokenness, and they let us see all of them. The relationships of our lives are so much richer now.
Looking back at this point, it’s much easier to see the good things that came as a result of losing Bobby, Jason, Justin, and Pat. I literally dove into God’s word. My relationship with God became so much deeper and fuller as I learned about the God of my comfort, the history of our faith, and the mechanics of how to be a believer of Christ at a different level.
When we were in the middle of it though, it was tough to see any good. I guess my point is that it is when we are in the middle of tough times, is when we fall back on what we know. That is when we remember that God loves us with an άγαπε love. That is when we trust him. That is when we draw closer to him and keep our eyes open for the good.